Friday Forging

This morning I started again…yet again. I decided to begin with what I know works because I don’t have any answers or know where else to start. 

So with morning pages which I have not done for a very long time…hmmm…wondering why I feel so lost and wandering is becoming somewhat clearer when I am not using the tools I know work for me and which I possess in my toolbox already. 

I bought a new book for my morning pages yesterday…I didn’t need one, I have a few half started ones but I just couldn’t get started in them. So with awareness that while waiting for a “perfect book” to start is another procrastination sign and while I know I am being mindful about my mindless spending…I bought one anyway. And this morning I started…again. Some cracker truths came up that knocked me in the gut and reminded me why it is such a valuable practice and why I need it. 

Starting again with what I know works. Sometimes it feels like I am always starting again. #morningpages

And while I was back to utilising my existing tools I decided to pull out my weekly reflection journal and do a found word collage. It is very wordy and I haven’t reflected on it yet but I really liked that pairing of “Friday Forging”.  The idea of creating with a bit of hammering and beating and reflecting on my week, and what I want to come. Taking my weekly reflections to a bit of a different place but the same idea…we will see. That is my intention for right now. 

More of back to what works. Pondering the messages. #weeklyreflections #fridayforging

And this…52 weeks of sketching. It was a spontaneous idea and I have decided to run with it. It scares me because of the commitment when I am not sure how I am but sometimes we need to run with these crazy ideas. To at least start and see where we end up. I like the idea of sketching too….no pressure, less than drawing, raw, able to be unfinished, exploring and meandering. Seeing where they go. I need this to start creating again. I need to create again. Need to. But I don’t know how to start and so my sketchbook will be where I begin. 

So I pulled out my sketchbook and did a quick logo and I am ready for the weekend. To sketch and to see where that goes. To start. Yet a bloody again. Not knowing what lays ahead or what the right path is…or even where the path is but knowing that sometimes you just need to do it and start. 

A new project. Somewhere to start. #fridayforging

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Fortnightly reflections

Thank goodness for this practice I have started of doing weekly reflections.  This combined with my morning pages has ensured that even when I have felt off track and completely taken over by non-creative activities that in fact I have not strayed too far from the path.  And it is a whole lot easier to find my way back again.

#weeklyreflections in my #artjournal. A lot of thoughts concerning foundations and commitment this week.

The journaling this week was about how far behind I was, or felt I was. That I was forgetting everything I had just decided I was going to. Just made plans for. And how disappointed I was in myself for that.

For self-sabotaging just when I was making progress.

But when I looked at what I had done behind the scenes I had still been plodding along. I had not stalled completely. Just that other events had to take priority. As sometimes happens. And often those priority-taking events, don’t announce themselves before hand or give you time to schedule them in!! :D

Look at it now, I was quite negative with myself and my self-talk, but this page is actually a lot kinder and compassionate than I was with myself. I want to keep this page hand as a reminder to myself to trust in my foundations and be kinder to myself through the different cycles I find myself on.

Last week's #weeklyreflections.  Finally taking a photo.

I love the background for this page. When I was going through my box of scraps looking for something to use, (because I am all about using up my hoardings on these reflection pages), I found this piece of refill. It had some paint scraps from some page or maybe even just cleaning my brush, half of a knitting pattern. The scrawled paint recipe for making an alive-looking black…just disparate scraps that have found themselves layered into this page I put aside to use as for something maybe. It felt as messy and uncoordinated and lost as I felt that week. But it also worked for me.

It came after I hadn’t caught up as I planned to, and so the voices were even louder in my head. Berating me for not keeping up. Been regular and keeping to my own schedules that I set. Allowing myself to feel so behind that I didn’t know where to start to catch up again.

This page now, feels like an acknowledgment that I was at least giving it all thought. Even if most of my actions and to-do list was been dedicated to other events. Just looking at this page now makes me want to well up and cry.

An acknowledgment and awareness of my descent, a gentle abiding of the reality and my surrender to that part of my journey. Underneath it all though there is still an acknowledgment that no follow up care is required. Nothing is broken. Nothing is unfixable.

It feels like a relief looking at it now. And here I am.

Tell me kingfisher

#weeklyreflections in my #artjournal this week.

This photo was taken before the journaling and reflection part and the photo looks a bit weird to me looking at it now as though half of the page is missing somewhat.

Just before I began working on this page I saw a kingfisher on our back boundary fence that backs on to the bush. I have seen quite a few birds there over the years, but never a kingfisher before so I was quite excited. It stayed for only a minute once I came upon it, but when I saw this kingfisher sticker while searching for words and pictures for the page it seemed right.

In my writing for this week I have the meaning of the kingfisher (I looked it up in my Ted Andrews books). He said the kingfisher is a sign of peace and prosperity, and the promise of abundance, (my word of the year *gasp*), about to unfold within my life. The kingfisher has an ability to stimulate new opportunities for prosperity which often requires one to dive headlong into some activity.

So relevant for some of the ideas percolating in my head at the moment and I took it as a sign to keep going! :D Though I wonder sometimes whether my signs are in fact signs or I am reading a whole lot into just seeing a kingfisher for instance, but whatever motivates or encourages I say.

I have felt really focused and organised lately. I have plans written down, and steps to get there with deadlines attached. I am doing my morning pages (most mornings), and I feel on track, which is a good feeling I have to say. Taking real action each day certainly feels like more than floundering, which I have done a fair bit of in the past and have no desire to go back there.

Reading the Austin Kleon books and now reading Jennifer Lee’s latest book are leading me to some realisations about where I am going and even more important to taking some practical real steps to get there.

Possibilities abound as do bunnies.

#weeklyreflections in my #artjournal. Such an important tool in my arsenal.

 

The page this week is on a serviette from our Easter Sunday Lunch.  Our host had saved them from a trip to the USA long ago and they felt like treasure and love, so I made the children share one and stole one to use! :)

So many plans have been made and ideas written down.  Goals and dreams put in the planner and dates put with the goals.  It seems like a whole lot of forward momentum.

It also makes me aware that not so long ago I was procrastinating away my life because I didn’t know where to start.  The realisation that I had already started so I could in fact just jump into the middle is freedom indeed when you are unsure when to jump and where to begin and whether you are doing it right.

Just jump I say.  It has also made me very aware of my own productive cycles.  Clearly Autumn and Winter are my most fertile periods of creativity, even if I just check back through this blog, though I am a lover of Spring and Summer.  My night and day.  I am coming up with deadlines and plans to see me past winter and make sure I don’t meander too far from this path.

I am jumping into the middle and doing at least one thing every day towards my goals. Sometimes much, much more, but one thing every day.  My planner has never been used so well.  I am in it every single day!  I feel like a grown up.  :)

 

Choosing my words

This week had a trying moment, but in amongst that fallout there were some joy-filled moments as well and also a sense of gaining clarity, choosing to acknowledge restarting rather than beginning. Acknowledging all the earlier efforts have not been abandoned or a waste of time but are part of my story, which will be neverending and have countless restarts I am sure.  But I am also nowhere near at the start.  Not anymore.  Maybe all semantics but it seems an important shift to me.

Weekly Reflections #3The trying moment was particularly challenging and felt difficult for my sensitive heart to work through and process, but what sticks out for me in looking at this page now is how filled with hope it still was despite that.  When going through the moment it felt all consuming, and the reality is that the written words were focused on that moment, but looking at it actually that moment was only very lightly touched upon the page.

I didn’t fully appreciate until right now, while I was writing these words how I was not letting that discomfort I was moving through derail me.  It seems a breakthrough for my self-sabotaging self! Though I am very quickly touching wood in case I decide to go self-sabotaging again just to prove me wrong.  :)

Also in light of this week where I have been working through goals and action plans and been very organised and focussed, it was quite prophetic really.  Or maybe this set the tone…chicken or egg?

 

 

Weekly Reflections

In a new thing I am doing directly based on my 52 Cards and  inspired by Teresa Robinson’s inspiration and truthful wisdom on her site and with her own 52 cards I have begun working in this little notebook that I was given by a good friend after she visited China (and married over there!).`

Weekly Reflections Journal

I love it, and I love the pages.  It is pocket sized and I love the binding.  I didn’t want to “waste” it.  I had done one page already last year and then no further.

Weekly Reflections Journal

2013 Found words Collage

Mainly I was working on my 52 cards though in this style.  I did more of those than I shared on here, but I didn’t finish them.  I have wondered whether to share what I had done.  Or to start again at the start of the year.  My wondering turned into procrastination and I didn’t start any cards at the start of the year.

A couple of weeks ago I decided I was not going to share the remaining cards.  Not because of any big secrets on them, but they were done.  I don’t even think I could talk sensibly to them now.  Well, I probably could. But they would be no less done.  And I had no words for them.  So I decided to leave them.

There is a quiet power in that decision of not sharing.  That feeling that everything you create does not have to be shared even if you are blogging and wanting to make a business out of your creating.  That there can be creating that is just for you.

It goes to the very heart of why I stopped blogging for a while.  That  question of why am I sharing this? What is my motivation?  Am I doing it just to garner feedback.  Or just for connection. And what does that mean at it’s very core for me.  And then the question of why we create. All big questions.  Certainly not a track I was envisioning when I began this post, so I will gracefully step off that little track and back on to the one I began on.  :)

So the final outcome is that there will be no more of the series my 52 cards.  But that process of reflecting each week is a powerful one that made such a real difference to my life.  The words that would be found and chosen.  I can’t say enough about it. So incredibly powerful.  Truly.

In that spirit, I missed not doing the cards.  Having that dedicated reflection (and I know I could have done it anytime, but I liked the dedicated time to reflection at the end of the week), and I was thinking about starting it up again when I came across my book while looking for something else.  I saw that first page and a 1000 little twinkly lights twinkled and I realised I could use this little book in place of a card.

Reflections on the past week and an opportunity to use my date stamp!!  Also serendipitous scraps photo bombing. :) #weeklyreflections #artjournal

When I had done the first page I realised that there was space for writing about any thoughts or ideas that had come up.  So my new weekly reflection journal was born. Combining found words and written words, a powerful tool already.  Last weekend after some truly testing personal experiences I came to such an incredible story-reframing realisation about it all, after looking at the words ad then beginning journaling.

#weeklyreflections in my #artjournal

Things I knew in my head, but didn’t really know in my bones yet clearly. And all of a sudden I got it.  The words formed themselves on the page and I wondered what had made those words come to the surface.  Powerful stuff in a gut punching kind of way. So all this to say that while My 52 cards is no longer a feature, my Weekly Reflections are likely to be.

They will be useful to track my journey and progress.  At this stage however just the found words will be shared.  There is also wisdom when sharing and not sharing in knowing where those boundaries lie for each of us.  For me right now, the balance feels right.