Lost Girl Diaries

Lost Girl Diaries zine

I have written and rewritten this post and it does not seem to do these justice, so bear in mind that they are better than what I am about to say.

I was going to include these in one of the Inspiring me links but it didn’t seem enough. I found Mel when she was still in a drafty garret (:)), some time ago and have quietly stalked her.  I loved her words and her finding her way through the muddle of it all.  She led me to interesting people and connections and discoveries and her honestly in her words spoke to me.

Last year she began doing this zine and I decided to stop just stalking her and to step out a little and it is one of the best things I did last year.  Towards the end of last year I went through a quiet hibernation that involved some regrouping and refocusing, and these brought light into that space for me.

Lost Girl Diaries zine

These are crafted with her heart on the pages,  Her stories (delicious serials that extend over issues and sadden you when they end.  Poetry and invites to write your own poetry and prompts and images to inspire you and make you laugh.

Honestly the joy you feel when you even noticed a personal message to you…

Lost Girl Diaries zine

I am very grateful for them, and for the connection they gave me, to myself and the wider world as well.

They are not light-hearted at the expense of substance and are raw and expressive in all the best of ways.  They are very “old-school zine” in nature, you do feel like you are holding written treasure in a way that is not common in this digital age.  They remind me of how we used to paste together bits and pieces when I was little.

Issue IV  made me sob while I journaled and wrote. I felt some stuff come up!  :) Permission to feel anger and rage is quite transforming when you are not suppressing it.  Though they are not all heavy with thinkings and musings and emotions either, there are wildly deranged and hilarious moments as well.  And little gems like this:

Lost Girl Diaries zine

I can’t say enough how much I love these. I am so grateful that Mel followed her heart’s preference and shared these because they need to be shared.  They are bursting with whispers and giggles and extraordinary activities and dangerous thoughts.  I have a notebook set aside (because I need another excuse for a notebook!) just for the writings that she inspires.

I couldn’t think of a better way to share how much they meant to me without sharing some of the words they have provoked as well.  Raw and unfinished and some make no sense, but they are written down snippets of things that came up while I was reading and responding to prompts and thoughts.

I feel like I need to explain and justify them but I am going to be brave and not do that.  They are my words. Full stop.

For more snippets provided by Mel and for information on the zines full stop you can go here.

Detrius of living

Stories of a life

Remnants of me

 

You are good at words of love

But your love injures

Wounds. Eventually. Always.

 

Forgiveness is hiding

Elusive in the hunt

It sneaks in the dark corners

 

What is real?

You see a me

They see a me

I see a me

 

Summer Tuesday

Sticky Toffee

Cherries on ice

 

If I was nicer

They would like me again

But I wouldn’t

Does it matter?

 

She tried to forget

Because only if she forgot

Could she forgive

But she is an elephant

 

In the darkness and silence

I felt my way

To the edge of myself

So I could find my way

To the centre

 

The last cicada

I notice the silence

When did the hum finish

Autumn is here

One sounds lonely

And knowing

You can see her here talking about behind the zines:


And this helped give me the courage to post my words today:

Advertisements

Reviewing old stories

So!  Feast or famine around here clearly, but there will be this post and another today.  :) Then I will give you a break for a couple of days.  :)  I promise.

So.  Back in 2011 I did Soul Restoration with Brave Girls Club.  It was the perfect time on so many levels and really was one of those courses that touched me on a really deep level and caused some major shifts in my life. There were bits in that course that resonated with me so finely that it was tough at times as well, but shining a light on those shadows always creates a healing space.  I was flicking through my completed journal from that course and was struck by how appropriate it was for me to be relooking at the truths in that book while I was feeling a bit scattered and untethered and doubting.

I realised I had never shared the pages I completed.  A lot of it was not in my own painty style and so I felt a bit funny, but also it was so deeply vulnerable.  Looking back a few years later, I was struck by how many of the truths still applied.  A few didn’t.  But mostly to see these pages is to see me in all my deeply messy glory, and that is hard my friends.  Very. Hard.

But today is a sunny crisp autumnal day perfect for airing old truths and old pages.  But know I do so a bit tenderly.  Relooking at these pages and one of the other exercises in the course gave me the idea for another series as well (In my journal is the other one I have introduced so far! :)).  I am tying this blog down to some routines to reboot it.  And reboot me.

Before I get started, can I also say that one of the exercises in particular on that course was ENTIRELY life changing and story reframingand I really recommend the course if you are on the fence.  I am not sharing that exercise here, at least not today, but it truly was a mind blowing exercise. :)

So here are the journal pages first of all.  I did the first ever version of the course where they offered the kits as an extra.  And got this very cute denim journal which I love.  I note they never offered that option again however, which is sad.

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

Soul Restoration 1 Journal (1/11/11)

So those are my pages out of one of the journals I did. One of the other exercises was to create truth cards for ourselves.

So I went through and created some.

Stack of Unfinished Truth Cards

Well started to, and then thought I was finished. But when I refound them a little while ago I thought how unlike me they were. Unfinished, not enough paint, someone struggling with collage.

So I decided to finish them off. I finished one…

Truth Card #1

And then thought this could be a series. My truth cards. Maybe a message you may yourself have need of each week as well. In any event, I thought it would be an interesting exercise to look at the before card and the after. What makes it more me, three years later?

Also I have always wanted to make my own tarot/oracle card deck. Maybe this will lead me in to developing that idea a bit more. :)

Saturday Morning Confessions

I am addicted to art books. And art classes. But I have put a stop on both for now. Because there is only so much I can read, and only so much I can watch other people do art. I need to fit in some doing art myself as well. Not that my wishlist is getting any smaller, so when my book buying hiatus is over there are already some top candidates to get.

I am putting it down to my constant quest for new knowledge and expanding my own boundaries :)

But to make myself feel better and justify the purchase of all my art books (see photo above and note that I have noticed some were missing, like Traci’s Stamp Lab book, which is possibly on my art desk, and a couple of others that may be in the stack next to my bed! :)). I am going to do some reviews. And work on some of the projects in the books and show the results with the reviews.

And start to review art classes that I have taken.

Because not all books are created equal. And some are must haves. And some are good to haves. And some would be good to get from the library or borrow because you will only use them once and never look at them again. Some are laden with techniques, and some are laden with inspiration and really it depends on what you are after in any given time as to whether the book would be good for you or not.

Though I see art and book and my pulse starts to quicken :)