I did week two and it seemed all over the place. One that the messages will take a while to process…some of them anyway. :)
And in between there was a hospital visit and Easter and the completion of my RCIA journey so I am now a proper Catholic in the most beautiful and intimate of celebrations at the Easter vigil service on Saturday night.
And then this week. Where I am now Programme Director of an After School Programme which is crazy insane and a huge jump from where I am trained and where I was looking but I am excited and terrified in equal doses and it feels good. Very good.
I have been thinking about art workshops for children and when I saw this come up I had a calling to explore the possibility and I did. I was successful…and then wondered what on earth I was doing but the experience will be invaluable and in the terror I am feeling very alive as well. So hopefully this goes well. I start in a couple of weeks and have started planning…actually looking at the messages on this last page it perfectly reflects what I just said…some weeks you don’t have to try too hard to process!!
This morning I started again…yet again. I decided to begin with what I know works because I don’t have any answers or know where else to start.
So with morning pages which I have not done for a very long time…hmmm…wondering why I feel so lost and wandering is becoming somewhat clearer when I am not using the tools I know work for me and which I possess in my toolbox already.
I bought a new book for my morning pages yesterday…I didn’t need one, I have a few half started ones but I just couldn’t get started in them. So with awareness that while waiting for a “perfect book” to start is another procrastination sign and while I know I am being mindful about my mindless spending…I bought one anyway. And this morning I started…again. Some cracker truths came up that knocked me in the gut and reminded me why it is such a valuable practice and why I need it.
And while I was back to utilising my existing tools I decided to pull out my weekly reflection journal and do a found word collage. It is very wordy and I haven’t reflected on it yet but I really liked that pairing of “Friday Forging”. The idea of creating with a bit of hammering and beating and reflecting on my week, and what I want to come. Taking my weekly reflections to a bit of a different place but the same idea…we will see. That is my intention for right now.
And this…52 weeks of sketching. It was a spontaneous idea and I have decided to run with it. It scares me because of the commitment when I am not sure how I am but sometimes we need to run with these crazy ideas. To at least start and see where we end up. I like the idea of sketching too….no pressure, less than drawing, raw, able to be unfinished, exploring and meandering. Seeing where they go. I need this to start creating again. I need to create again. Need to. But I don’t know how to start and so my sketchbook will be where I begin.
So I pulled out my sketchbook and did a quick logo and I am ready for the weekend. To sketch and to see where that goes. To start. Yet a bloody again. Not knowing what lays ahead or what the right path is…or even where the path is but knowing that sometimes you just need to do it and start.