Still standing

Goodness is anyone still here?!  

No need to answer that!!! :)

Since I was last here I got married after a two week engagement…which was a whole lot of crazy and even more magic. I have never felt so well held by my friends and am eternally grateful! So now I am no longer Natasha White but Natasha Watson!

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Our parents had become resigned after over a decade together that there would be no wedding but just when we had no money we decide to have a wedding…perfect timing because with more time and money I would have spent more and the day was gloriously perfect how it was. 

It has taken me a while to get used to the name change after living 37 years as one name, but it was important to my husband, more important than I realised and it is becoming more normal!! 

My perfect wedding reception...

When my closest friend/wedding planner asked me at the start what my perfect wedding looked like, I replied a combination of Downton Abbey and the wedding in Mamma Mia. I wanted a sense of occasion and an event, but also the celebration of love in Mamma Mia. And my wedding planner delivered and then some! The day was just magical and I wouldn’t change anything. 

As well as that little miracle performed by God I found out I was pregnant in January with what would have been a wedding baby. Once the shock wore off we were very excited but unfortunately while we were on our big Summer South Island adventure I lost our little bean. Which is the most devastating experience I have had. On so many levels. The loss of potential and expected dreams and memories. I am grateful that we were together during the loss and that we left her in a beautiful spot in the end. 

The spot where I left a part of my soul.

 Also that at the moment I felt like my heart was breaking to never be repaired that I had the presence of mind to take a photo as we hopped back into the car. 

And so I come back to this space not the same person, and with a new name. I am not sure what this space even looks like now but I picked up some paint a couple of days ago and it was a start. 

A bit like this post. As I figure out what I am doing and what anything means and where on earth is my next step. This step is right here. And I am climbing back on. 

Again. 

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11 thoughts on “Still standing

  1. Many congratulations on your wonderful wedding, Natasha Watson! I’m so sad that you lost your baby, but hope that you will find comfort that you were together and able to take the time to say goodbye to her.

    Different days ahead for you and I’m excited to read what you start to do with them.

    xx

  2. Oh my darling….I so feel your sorrow for the short time you had to spend with little bean(been there, got several T-shirts). But I know you will use the intense love you have received in that short space of time to create from the heart. Glad you are back :D XXX

  3. Oh, Natasha! How happy I was to see this land in my mailbox today! I have missed you, sweet friend! Beautiful wedding photo, congratulations, again! And I hope you are healing & finding peace through your loss. I look forward to seeing more of your beautiful art.❤️

  4. I’m selfishly so happy to see a blog post from you again. I love your blog posts. Your wedding news and the way it came about is so smile inducing – love it. Huge congratulations. But I’m so sorry to read of the loss of Little Bean – thank goodness you were together and what a beautiful place.

    Looking forward to seeing where the next steps take you x x x

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