This week had a trying moment, but in amongst that fallout there were some joy-filled moments as well and also a sense of gaining clarity, choosing to acknowledge restarting rather than beginning. Acknowledging all the earlier efforts have not been abandoned or a waste of time but are part of my story, which will be neverending and have countless restarts I am sure. But I am also nowhere near at the start. Not anymore. Maybe all semantics but it seems an important shift to me.
The trying moment was particularly challenging and felt difficult for my sensitive heart to work through and process, but what sticks out for me in looking at this page now is how filled with hope it still was despite that. When going through the moment it felt all consuming, and the reality is that the written words were focused on that moment, but looking at it actually that moment was only very lightly touched upon the page.
I didn’t fully appreciate until right now, while I was writing these words how I was not letting that discomfort I was moving through derail me. It seems a breakthrough for my self-sabotaging self! Though I am very quickly touching wood in case I decide to go self-sabotaging again just to prove me wrong. :)
Also in light of this week where I have been working through goals and action plans and been very organised and focussed, it was quite prophetic really. Or maybe this set the tone…chicken or egg?