The life we live daily (card #25/52)

Wow.  Nearly half way.  This practice has taught me such a lot about myself.  Today’s card is very reflective of the latter half of my week as well.

The painting on the front is a painting I did a couple of years ago on a diary page that I have saved in my collage box to use at some stage.  This week I did not feel drawn to a lot of words and when I saw her I felt very drawn to putting her on this week’s card.

Our daily world (#25/52)

Eight weeks ago someone that my beloved used to work with closely was diagnosed with cancer.  This afternoon we are going to his funeral.  He was only 45.

It has taken up a lot of my thinking.  Eight weeks.  The difference that that amount of time can cause to a person’s dreams and very life.  A wake up call of sorts for the rest of us as we sat absorbing the news very shell shocked late last week.  At the start of the year he and his wife still had their dreams and future in tact.  His wife’s future is now very different, and the reality of that is unimaginable for me.  She has been in my constant thoughts.  His whole family have.

It has also made me think think about what I would do differently with only eight weeks.  It won’t be made up with the big ticket items on my list-of-things-to-do-before-I-die.  It will in reality with only that amount of time be the life I am living now.  So is the life I am living now, the life i would choose to be living if I had only eight weeks.

Generally I am grateful to say it is.  There is not a lot I would choose to change or regret about my life as it stands right now.  It would be my lost dreams of a future and missing my children’s future moments that would cause me the most distress.

It has also made me think about the potential of things I want to do but haven’t because I am not sure what I am doing, or how it would all work or what I have to do.  And I don’t like to fail. In eight weeks all my chances and choices could be removed from me, and then one of my regrets would be the life I have not lived and the chances I have not taken even if I bomb wildly.  At least I would have tried.  I won;t be living in the not knowing one way or another, a live only half lived.

So.  That is where I am.  This week.  Looking at those actions that make up my everyday private world, the real live, not those grandiose dreams that go on our lists of things we want to do.  What are we doing in the here and now.  The life we live daily is the life that counts in the end, that says who we were, who we are.  What is it that makes our lives now, the ones we want to be living and that we won’t regret.

The power of eight weeks will be the most lasting legacy he has left to me, it is up to me how well lived my eight weeks are.  A paradigm shift if ever there was one.

Inspired to note my week’s reflections by the 52 card project that Teresa is doing.  Her words are worth reading anyway in my experience, but her words about this project in this post sum up perfectly what the project has meant to me.  “It was my way of leaving bread crumbs to mark my path“. These cards are indeed my breadcrumbs to my path.  Every single one.

Having just read this post, it also astounds me how much it ties up with the thoughts behind my card this week, and the thoughts in my head.  Synchronicity across the oceans.

Live your life well. xx

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8 thoughts on “The life we live daily (card #25/52)

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your friend, such a heartbreak. Similar issues have been occupying my mind too, and there’s something about spring as well that has me wanting to make the most of my time.

    By the way, I has a lovely old magnolia in front of my little old house when I lived in the Hutt. When it was in bloom the air was so soft with it’s perfume, especially in the early morning and at dusk . . . sitting on the front verandah or even the back steps, with a glass of wine . . . bliss.

  2. I am so sorry, Natasha, sending you & your friend’s family my deepest sympathy. Your post is so true, so wise. It IS the now that counts…every moment, from the little ones to the big ones…the now is all we have. Live every moment to its fullest & with gratitude, yes.

  3. I had a friend (and her three little girls) die in a very sudden, tragic accident that changed my perspective similarly. That was the most powerful thing she left behind for me was that we are never guaranteed another moment. None of us. So I better damn well wake up and enjoy what I have NOW and relish today. My “awake”ness around my little boy has never been so intense as it has been the last few years. And I know exactly what you mean about not being sure of how to make your dreams work. I am trying to just take the big picture things, and break them down into one action at a time. My goal each day is to do ONE thing to move me toward my dreams. Even if it’s one baby step, those really add up over time. Lots of love to you!

  4. Ah Natasha. Wish I could give you a hug. This awful illness – it’s affected so many people’s families. Mine included. I seem to be hearing more and more people who have it :( You are right – it IS a wake up call. I often ponder – is the person I am now the person I want my children to remember. Most often I want them to have better memories than I believe they will – I don’t think I measure up to my memories of MY Mum. Just live the best you can, be there for your babies.

    So sorry for yours and hubs and his friends. Big Love Natasha x

  5. Such sad news, and such a thoughtful and thought provoking post. None of us know what life has in store for us, and every day is precious. Sending love to you and my condolences to the bereaved family and friends. Xx

  6. Very sad but oh so true post, and something to think about. It makes me rethink the way I am now stressing through my days …. So sorry for your friend and his wife, it must be horrible to get that kind of news.

  7. Life is so precious! I don’t think people truly understand! We can complain about so many things, and really, what are we complaining about? One of my friend’s, a few years back, lost her sister to cancer. She was only 21! Makes you really think! We have to treasure all the moments we have and be grateful ;o) Big Hugs and be well ;o)

  8. Wow, such a sad story. It is truly amazing how quickly cancer can claim and ravage a human being. I agree with everything that you have said here in your musings about your own life and circumstances. If I discovered that I had only a short time to live, I wouldn’t jet off to unfamiliar places to be with strangers; I would want to soak up as much of what I have NOW as possible. And my only regrets, as you say, would be the years I didn’t get to spend in this life with these children. I just hate the thought of my girls growing up without a mother, and hope that they will not have to face that. Sober reflections.

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