Wow. Nearly half way. This practice has taught me such a lot about myself. Today’s card is very reflective of the latter half of my week as well.
The painting on the front is a painting I did a couple of years ago on a diary page that I have saved in my collage box to use at some stage. This week I did not feel drawn to a lot of words and when I saw her I felt very drawn to putting her on this week’s card.
Eight weeks ago someone that my beloved used to work with closely was diagnosed with cancer. This afternoon we are going to his funeral. He was only 45.
It has taken up a lot of my thinking. Eight weeks. The difference that that amount of time can cause to a person’s dreams and very life. A wake up call of sorts for the rest of us as we sat absorbing the news very shell shocked late last week. At the start of the year he and his wife still had their dreams and future in tact. His wife’s future is now very different, and the reality of that is unimaginable for me. She has been in my constant thoughts. His whole family have.
It has also made me think think about what I would do differently with only eight weeks. It won’t be made up with the big ticket items on my list-of-things-to-do-before-I-die. It will in reality with only that amount of time be the life I am living now. So is the life I am living now, the life i would choose to be living if I had only eight weeks.
Generally I am grateful to say it is. There is not a lot I would choose to change or regret about my life as it stands right now. It would be my lost dreams of a future and missing my children’s future moments that would cause me the most distress.
It has also made me think about the potential of things I want to do but haven’t because I am not sure what I am doing, or how it would all work or what I have to do. And I don’t like to fail. In eight weeks all my chances and choices could be removed from me, and then one of my regrets would be the life I have not lived and the chances I have not taken even if I bomb wildly. At least I would have tried. I won;t be living in the not knowing one way or another, a live only half lived.
So. That is where I am. This week. Looking at those actions that make up my everyday private world, the real live, not those grandiose dreams that go on our lists of things we want to do. What are we doing in the here and now. The life we live daily is the life that counts in the end, that says who we were, who we are. What is it that makes our lives now, the ones we want to be living and that we won’t regret.
The power of eight weeks will be the most lasting legacy he has left to me, it is up to me how well lived my eight weeks are. A paradigm shift if ever there was one.
Inspired to note my week’s reflections by the 52 card project that Teresa is doing. Her words are worth reading anyway in my experience, but her words about this project in this post sum up perfectly what the project has meant to me. “It was my way of leaving bread crumbs to mark my path“. These cards are indeed my breadcrumbs to my path. Every single one.
Having just read this post, it also astounds me how much it ties up with the thoughts behind my card this week, and the thoughts in my head. Synchronicity across the oceans.
Live your life well. xx