This post was meant to be written days ago, but chemo for me anyway is a funny thing. Sometimes it really, really knocks me (like this week, though is that a combo deal with the pneumonia I wonder out loud) and other times I am much better and my body seems to have a temporary tolerance for it. One never tends to know beforehand however (because planning would be nice – :) control freak anyone??).
This page took over a week to do. I would get stuck with it, for a while it looked like a yellow ten pin bowling pin in some drug addled mess of colour, and just leave it. In frustration and annoyance that it was getting no where, I closed the journal page altogether. And then a few days later I went back to it, to see if I had to start again, cause maybe that would be my only option. And then I decided on a splodge of white and that led to a face and the page was completed.
(Having just gone to get a photo of said page, all the photos I took were rubbish. Adding to worn and hagged feeling :)) And even the second lot of photos were not great. But one is doable.
She started life a bit pretty and younger, and then she turned into an older woman, and I wasn’t so keen, but I realised that it is how I feel, and even with the intention of balance in my heart, I feel more overwhelmed than balanced at the moment. So many commitments to things I have made, and am not keeping up with hardly any of it. And I feel hagged and worn and very guilty. And even though the mess is covered up on the page, I know that underneath that layer there are threads pulling her in every direction, and it isn’t pretty and blue, despite outward appearances and this felt very right. And finished.
And I am LOVING my oil pastels in combination with my acrylics.
AND I have open acrylics coming today (said in hopeful dulcet tones because I have my voice back) and I can hardly wait to play with them, though I fear, that they may test my patience levels, because one of the things I love about acrylics is the fast drying times. But yay for playing!
And post note since the said paints have now arrived, while I am still excited to be playing, the deal I got was not quite as fantastic when I see the size of the tubes, and I whinge again about why I even bother to buy paints from New Zealand Companies when I can get them so much cheaper overseas and online even taking into account shipping prices.
But taking a deep breath and releasing that to go play! :)