I can’t believe it is August already. July was such a month of destruction of so much for me, and a month of starting to rebuild. But more than anything, June and July were months of destruction. A lot of it is hard, still hard, and where things are dismantled, you wonder where to go next with them. And there is a lot I don’t really want to discuss here. There have been tears and stories, and anger and rage, and the start of depression, and raising children that never stop, and somewhere in there July 2011 went.
I have attempted to art, but I have not really been in the space to do that. And maybe that is just more of my procrastination bullocks, cause frankly I have an exhibition to paint for, and a solo exhibition so it is just me and I need to get sorted. And what I realise now is that I must art journal (or what I call art journal, eg journal with paint primarily) for me. Because over the last few years it has become the way I process information and get things out. And without it, I am in danger of turning into an angry depressed shrew.
And that is new for me, the realisation of how much art has come to mean to me.
I am doing a project of one self portrait a week. And I am loathe to write that, because I am not a finisher, and I worry, that I commit to do too much, and then I realise that I am not a good doer of other people’s promtps. In fact I suck. I keep stopping. And I start to feel the creativity sucked out of me. And then I feel guilt that feeds my demons. So a part of me wonders if this is the right thing to do. But the beauty of the self portrait a week is that while there is an example done, there is no expectation of following that example, and the self portrait is completely up to you, in which case it is just a hosted group showcasing what YOU have created, not what you should or have to create, and that makes a difference.
And I wonder if this is just a long rambly post, that really tells very little, except I feel bad for not posting for a month, but I have had life happening and it has been hard.
Here is my first self portrait…
Drawn before my second coffee, just after the children had left, and I was going to add colour, but that morning I felt graphite-y and smudgy and it felt finished. And now I realise I am over due for the second Self portrait (told you I sucked! :))