Yesterday I resolved to get back to the land of the living. I had a long todo list and began to get laundry done and the house tidied and sorted. I also did a little arting. I felt like I had crossed a threshold coming out of my funk and resolving all those whirling thoughts in my head, at least enough no to be paralysed. I have journalled and gone to the beach with my family. And let the ocean do it’s work on me and bring me back. And I stopped. I let myself be where I was. I didn’t fight it. I didn’t struggle to get back on top of things, I let myself just take the time I needed to process everything. And once I had decided to let myself be there. Be still and let a gap in my life open for where I was right then. In that moment I took a deep breath and started to come back.
And then yesterday I had a Dick Blick order come, (this is pretty high up in my joy of joys), the only thing I was a touch disappointed about was that I thought I had ordered Quinacridone Nickle Azo Gold in the heavy body golden acrylics, but had in fact only ordered normal Nickle Azo Gold. But I tried the heavy bodied acrylics for the first time and they were good really good. I loved them, though I have never yet found an art supply that I didn’t like playing with. :) And the silver lining is that I will have to place another Dick Blick order at some stage to get the correct paint colour. I tend to save up my purchases though, and then get a little stash arrive, so goodness knows when that will be. Will just have to use the fluid acrylic instead. (Oh how tough my life is! :))
And yes, I know when I can moan about getting the wrong paint colour, I have a blessed life. Thankfully I realise that, and I do appreciate how lucky I am.
Here is the page I painted yesterday with the heavy body acrylics I got…summed up where I was perfectly yesterday, and at the moment. I just let myself paint and then she arrived out of the flames. The words scratched into wet paint read: “Sometimes you just need to jump into the fire” I felt that when I started proceeding through my list yesterday in 15 minute spurts. That I was just jumping straight back into the fire, and how gloriously right that felt. I smiled when it appeared on the page. And she is messy and imperfect and reflective and resolute and I love that when I just let myself paint, I get the messages I need.