Sometimes you just need to jump into the fire

Yesterday I resolved to get back to the land of the living.  I had a long todo list and began to get laundry done and the house tidied and sorted.  I also did a little arting.  I felt like I had crossed a threshold coming out of my funk and resolving all those whirling thoughts in my head, at least enough no to be paralysed.  I have journalled and gone to the beach with my family.  And let the ocean do it’s work on me and bring me back.  And I stopped.  I let myself be where I was.  I didn’t fight it.  I didn’t struggle to get back on top of things, I let myself just take the time I needed to process everything.  And once I had decided to let myself be there.  Be still and let a gap in my life open for where I was right then.  In that moment I took a deep breath and started to come back.

And then yesterday I had a Dick Blick order come, (this is pretty high up in my joy of joys), the only thing I was a touch disappointed about was that I thought I had ordered Quinacridone Nickle Azo Gold in the heavy body golden acrylics, but had in fact only ordered normal Nickle Azo Gold.  But I tried the heavy bodied acrylics for the first time and they were good really good.  I loved them, though I have never yet found an art supply that I didn’t like playing with. :)  And the silver lining is that I will have to place another Dick Blick order at some stage to get the correct paint colour.  I tend to save up my purchases though, and then get a little stash arrive, so goodness knows when that will be.  Will just have to use the fluid acrylic instead.  (Oh how tough my life is! :))

And yes, I know when I can moan about getting the wrong paint colour, I have a blessed life.  Thankfully I realise that, and I do appreciate how lucky I am.

Here is the page I painted yesterday with the heavy body acrylics I got…summed up where I was perfectly yesterday, and at the moment.  I just let myself paint and then she arrived out of the flames.  The words scratched into wet paint read: “Sometimes you just need to jump into the fire” I felt that when I started proceeding through my list yesterday in 15 minute spurts.  That I was just jumping straight back into the fire, and how gloriously right that felt.  I smiled when it appeared on the page. And she is messy and imperfect and reflective and resolute and I love that when I just let myself paint, I get the messages I need.


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