Being Brave

being brave

“ maybe being brave is no more than
staring down the ‘less than’ feeling
and stepping up to the ‘i am worthy’ feeling. ”

~terri st. cloud

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What do I wish for the world

Jamie Ridler for Wishcasting Wednesday today asks what do I wish for the world.

After our own NZ earthquake and now the earthquake in Japan, I wish for the world resilience, caring and growth.

I wish for calm and increasing awareness and acceptance.

I wish for a break from natural disasters to let us rebuild and learn from what has happened.

Raving hippy right here!! :)

So I wrote this post this morning, and then wrote my to do list.

Given how I was feeling I wrote “Smudge myself” on the list.  Just something I felt like I need to do.  And when I had written my list, I looked down and the smudging was going to be somewhere near the bottom of my to do list.  Not a priority.

And I realised that the smudging could help all the other activities I had to do flow so much better, and why was I putting that aspect of my self-care down the bottom of the list.  So with that wake up call I got prepared and smudged my work space and then went outside and smudged me.

And if have to say I feel so much better.  Already.  I know it is the stuff that makes Tim roll his eyes and call me a raving hippy, but if this is what a raving hippy is I say bring it on.  It grounds me and cleanses me and the chance to completely refocus is an incredible gift.

And it is at times like this morning, when I am feeling a bit blah, that I revert back to those rituals that give me peace and keep me grounded.  The fact I am even aware that I am in that space and I am able to take action…beyond grateful.

The fact it works…thank you world.

Such simple things make such a big difference for me.  I feel like my entire self has shifted over.  I feel so much better in the space of an hour.

And then while I was packing up, I noticed at the other end of the table where my daughter had been preparing a “meal” yesterday.  I noticed the pine cone and the seeds falling out, and it made me think of something I read earlier in the week, though I can’t for the life of me remember what it was I was reading.  That a pine cone takes years to mature and release it’s seeds, but that a bush fire, while destructive in so many ways is also a regenerative force, and can make a pine cone pop instantly and release it seeds to speed regeneration when the ground around it has been “cleansed”/destroyed.

Made me think of what I had just done, and the miracle of cleansing and regrowth.  And how once upon a time I would have ignored how I was feeling and ploughed on regardless, and also how I suffered from depression for so long…is it really any wonder, when I never took the time to take care of me.  To even know what it was to take care of me.  That been sick did not involve just taking a panadol and carrying on.  And while I sit here, fortunate enough to wax lyrical on smudging and pine cone seeds, I can hear the other side of me, and the one I love more than any other tell me that it is a load of BS.  And I don’t care.  Because I know how I felt this morning.  And I know how I feel now, and there is a world of difference.  And I say love the hippy if that is a tool that works so well and so simply for me.

To remember this lesson when I am sinking is my desire.  Go back to simple.  Go to what works.  And most important.  Stop.  Take a break.

Just starting

For the past few days I have felt a bit inbetween.  So much on, and not knowing where to start so procrastinating and getting nothing achieved.

At least it has appeared that way, but as I write I realise I have in fact been doing things, and I have a to do list nearly fill of crossed out lines from yesterday.  It is just the three things I did not cross out that I am letting cloud my judgment.

I do feel a bit all over the place.  Not knowing where to begin.  And so I am just starting.  And really this is life isn’t it?  We are sometimes not in the flow, and the trick is to keep going.  So I am here, because I can’t put my finger on what has changed between this week and last but I am feeling a bit lost.

And so I am starting.  One of the things to cross off my list was a post.  I am just starting, in the midst of feeling lost and not knowing where to start.  I came here and did something, and that has given me the start I needed.  Now to get on with the rest of that list.

Progress

Goodness, so much going on today, everything must be in harmony.

Way back when I wrote a post about these three canvases I had painted…

Post 1

And then another as it developed…

Post 2

And now this is Post 3, and my plans are wildly different.

I reached a stage with that painting when it was out of control and I think I got so lost I didn’t know what to do with it, so instead I called it finished…go figure!

But while it was up on the wall and I was living with it, I saw another painting on it, one with a windholding a kite, and painted in titan buff and paynes gray.  And variations of the two.  Sometimes I see a red cape on her, sometimes I don’t.  But I took those canvases down in order to paint what I saw in my head and procrastination central….never got any further.

Until this morning….this is what those canvases look like now.  I will keep you updated on the progress…

Painting BIG – What it means…

This is my second big painting I wanted to share, what BIG means to me.

I love how this came out, so organic and curvy.  I love the water splashing over her back.  I was going to wait until her back had dried, but got the urge to put the blue in earlier and after initially wondering what on earth had possessed me(!), I love how it came out.

Swimming upstream, face down, curvy hips up, charging forth.  I love the scales, I love the hair, I love her, and right now this is BIG to me.

Charging bravely forth upstream.